Midlife Crisis I guess

We were walking on a dark, quite path near the water. It was foggy. Two guys were fishing off the walkway. Then it was all dark and quite. This month I'd lost a friend. His kidneys were bad and then he died of a stroke during dialysis. I was arrested cause ten guys were attacking me and I fought back. Life is unfair. I know that. Just this month it seemed to pile up. It mixed together and it was too much and I had a good cry. She said I needed some air and took me to the beach. I was starting to feel better and then we began making out. She wasn't wearing a bra and we were kissing. When I grabbed her ass I noticed her underwear was kind of pulled by one juicy ass cheek. I wanted to fuck her there but she was worried about the mosquitoes. I asked her to blow me then and she agreed to one suck since I had used a public restroom today. I was clean. I really got turned off and annoyed. The stress level that had been eating me alive had decreased now it was back up. She'd probably say I'm a sex addict it's my fault. But the woman who I can really trust with my sensitive feelings will know. Now she's asleep on the bed with the baby. Any chance of sex is gone. BJ gone. That's life these days. Pretty unsexy. I don't want to cheat though so this is what I'm stuck with.